nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
