Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
