i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
