big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
