We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do vagina's smell?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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