The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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