I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
