i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
