This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
