the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
