Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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