if i can run in heels then i can drive
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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