Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
