you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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