I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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