If i come over, it means nothing
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Umm I'm too high to move.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
