when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
