It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
