he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
