Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
