im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
