based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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