You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
