You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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