We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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