Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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