This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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