my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
