At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
