i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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