I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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