he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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