One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
