she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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