At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize