you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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