I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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