Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
