dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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