she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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