I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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