ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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