My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
