he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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