so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
