My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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