His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
