i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize