You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
