Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
