I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize