True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
