Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
