R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
