Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
