so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
