Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
