they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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