I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
