My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
