I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
