The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
