Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
