I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
