Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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