I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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