Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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