You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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