I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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