Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
