Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Operation Purity has been aborted
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
