After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sext me about skeletons
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
