capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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