We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
