i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
