please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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