She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
