my phone needs a breathalizer
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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