Sponge bath it is.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
