you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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