My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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