I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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