he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
