I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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