Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I want a musical about memes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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