Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
